Man Needs Both Good Conversation
& Solitude
Here St. Francis Sales, with his well-known balanced mind, reminds those who live in the world to know how to live with themselves first, and then
with others. That is, we should develop a spirit of recollection and learn to take pleasure in solitude. “Non in commotione Dominus” ( 3 Kings 19:11 ). God is not found in agitation.
Having developed this spirit, we will know how to have good conversations with others that are profitable both to ourselves and our
neighbors.
St. Frances de Sales
Seeking familiar conversations with others and avoiding them are two extremes equally blameworthy in devout people living in the world, whom we are now discussing. To shun all conversations savors of disdain and contempt of our neighbor; and to be addicted to them is a mark of sloth and idleness.
We must love our neighbor as ourselves, and to prove that we love him we must not fly his company; and to testify that we love ourselves we must remain with ourselves when we are alone.
"Think first of thyself," says St. Bernard, "and then of others." If, then, nothing obliges you to go abroad into company or to receive company at home, remain with yourself and entertain yourself with your own heart. But if company visits you or any just cause invites you into company, go in God's name, Philothea, and see your neighbor with a benevolent heart and a good intention.
We call those conversations evil which are held with an evil intention or when the company is vicious, indiscreet, and dissolute; and must avoid them as bees shun wasps or hornets. For, as when persons are bitten by mad dogs, their perspiration, their breath, and their very spittle become infectious, especially for children and those of a tender complexion. Thus also vicious and dissolute persons cannot be visited without the utmost hazard and danger, especially by those whose devotion is as yet young and tender.
There are some unprofitable conversations held merely to recreate and divert us from our serious occupations, to which we must not be too much addicted although we should allow them to occupy the leisure destined for recreation. ...
In all conversations, sincerity, simplicity, meekness and modesty should be preserved. There are some persons who make no gesture or motion without so much affectation as to trouble the company. And as he who cannot walk without counting his steps, or speak without singing, would be troublesome to the rest of mankind, so they who affect an artificial carriage and do nothing without affectation are very disagreeable in conversation, for in such persons there is always some kind of presumption.
Let a moderate cheerfulness be ordinarily predominant in our conversation. St. Romuald and St. Anthony are highly commended, that, notwithstanding all their austerities, they had always both their countenance and their discourse adorned with joy, gayety and courtesy. Rejoice with them that rejoice. (Rom. 12:13) And again I say to you, with the Apostle, Rejoice always, but in the Lord. Let your modesty be known to all men. (Phil. 4:4) ...
But, besides that mental solitude to which you may retreat, even amidst the greatest conversation, as I have hitherto observed, you ought also to love local and real solitude: not that you should go into the desert, as St. Mary of Egypt, St. Paul, St. Anthony, St. Arsenius, and the other ancient solitaries did; but that you should remain for some time alone by yourself in your chamber or garden, or in some other place, where you may at leisure withdraw your spirit into your heart, and recreate your soul with pious meditations, holy thoughts or spiritual reading.
St. Gregory Nazianzen, speaking of himself, says, "I walked with myself about sunset, and passed the time upon the seashore; for I am accustomed to use this recreation to refresh mysel, and to shake off a little my ordinary troubles." And afterwards he relates the pious reflections he made, which I have already mentioned.
St. Augustine relates, that often going into the chamber of St. Ambrose, who never denied entrance to any one, he found him reading, and that after having remained awhile, for fear of interrupting him, he departed again without speaking a word, thinking that the little time that remained to this great pastor for recreating his spirit, after the hurry of his various affairs, should not be taken from him.
And when the Apostles one day had told Our Lord how they had preached and how much they had done, He said to them, Come ye apart into a desert place, and rest a little. (Mk 6:13).
Be attentive, then, my brethren, and guard yourselves against speaking immodestly, more than you would against death.
Introduction to the Devout Life,
Chap. XXIV, Of Conversation & Solitude
Posted on May 10, 2025
Related Topics of Interest
St. Alphonsus on Profanity in Speech
Profanities Deserve God’s Vengeance
Correcting a Vulgar Tone of Language
The Value of Solitude
How Noisy the World Has Become
The Voice – Speaking and Conversing
Better Death than to Speak Obscenities
Related Works of Interest
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